The title for this blog (The Transparent Journey Of A Narcissistic Empath) was a creation born of a humble fine line that lays within the core of who I am. Its structure appears thin and unassuming, its strength however is robust and unyielding. I hold it in the highest regard for it is a variable that remains constant regardless of the equations that surround it. It is my own Title, my own Label that lives harmoniously with how I Categorize myself. It is the only space I seem to walk peacefully as the chaos of the world rumbles around me. While I have been swept from this line many times over, and drawn up by the cyclones that rampage my environment. I have always returned to this quiet little line.
I (like the rest of the human population) have spent a good portion of my life working beneath titles I have been “assigned”, around the labels “given” to me, and within the categories I “fell” into. Employers have promoted me to titles I was very proud of, and thrived under. Some titles have been later stripped from me, which left me feeling unmasked, mislead, and puzzled. I have traveled through the endless land of labels that categorized me incorrectly (mostly by family and friends). The scale and spectrum of which I have risen or fallen (in the eyes of others), have been both impressive as well as tragic. There is only one position on the chaotic graph of my life that has remained steadfast, my core line. The place where all the titles, labels, and categories I assigned myself reside. Finding my core, and distinguishing my own title was life altering. I have not only risen more steadily, but fallen less aggressively.
I see life like a game of Tetris (small unveiling of my age). I appear as a block, forever being moved and manipulated. A column that is transferred from side to side, or even turned upside down in an attempt to align me effectively (whatever that actually means). Knowing how my column fits in the world around me, is drastically different than knowing who I truly am. I live in this game with millions of others, turning, twisting, and hurtling across a screen trying to find the place to fit.
I am permanently stationed on this graph. It maps my highs and lows, the accomplishments as well as the defeats. I have discovered, however, that whether I am plummeting from a title or reaching up desperately to pull myself away from a label. I always have to cross the border that never changes on my graph. This place that remains constant, the line that stands between my true self and the world. When the weight and burden of the outside titles become to much, or the labels within my category feel inauthentic. I return home to self (The Narcissistic Empath) and the only title that has ever been authentically mine.
-T.N.E.